Hey there, dear readers, do you like being bullied, standing in line for hours, having things shouted at you, or large mobs of people? If you do, then quit reading because the rest of this article is all about the early voting in the fair city of Milwaukee.
For you still reading, here is the shit you need to know so that you can go and vote now.
First, for those smartypantses that have already registered to vote. Simply Find the Frank P. Zeilder Municipal building. It's really easy to find this place if you're reading this online because this sentence and the preceding ones are just links to relevant things like maps, and rules for voting that the city put up on their website. And for you high and mighty types out there, looking down on me from your ivory tower, thinking that this is an example of me being lazy, you got some nerve buddy.
Enter the Municipal building from the 830 N. Market St. entrance, otherwise you will arouse suspicion. If you're a driver, there is a special spot for you to park. EXPRESS VOTING parking can be found along Kilbourn Ave. between Market St. and Broadway. Make sure to not lock your keys in the car, as that would void the concept of express parking, also it would result in spending money to fix the problem. And voting should be free, I think there are even laws about that.
Don't try to vote between the hours of 8 PM to 8:30 AM. Early voting must be done during the day, from 8:30 AM to 8 PM. That is only on weekdays. On Saturday, the polls are open between 8 AM and 4 PM. Watch football on Sunday because the polls are not open.
So if you're registered and want to vote early, do it. Early voting ends on November 3rd. Election day is November 4th. Go to the Municipal building and present your valid ID. They will give you the ballot. After that you're on your own.
For you people that have not registered to vote, why? What the heck is the matter with you? Didn't you wake up screaming after all those dreams you had about Puff Daddy, P. Diddy, or whatever the fuck that guy is calling himself now, trying to kill you? Fine, I am being hostile. You probably moved, or are a reformed anarchist. Unfortunately, you have several more steps to take before you can vote. You can still vote early, but you need to enter the Municipal building from its 841 N. Broadway entrance.
Please bring the following. Acceptable proof of residence must be brought. This is to ensure that you live in the city. Don't kidnap your landlord, that is too far. Just bring a Driver's License, a state ID, a bank statement or paycheck. However, if you can't supply proof of residence, get a corroborating witness. I know that I told you not to kidnap your landlord, but he or she would make a pretty good corroborating witness. Unless they don't live in the City of Milwaukee. Your witness must live inside the city limits.
Next, you need an ID number. That number can be your Driver's license number, it could be another State ID, or your social security number. If you have those two things, proof of residence and an ID number, you can register and vote early. Now that you know how to vote early, go do it. Otherwise you will have to put up with the unruly mobs on election day.