You suck like a vacuum on steroids. You're more worthless than a Zimbabwean dollar! Isn't that hilarious? You're sure as shit right it is. I know it because I took a seminar over at the learning annex that told me so. Unfortunately, I missed the slapstick dissertation, so I have no idea why banana peels or cream-pies are so fucking funny. But before I traipsed into the insult comedy class, I had a double shot of espresso and snorted four Ritalin. So I got his insult comedy class down pact, you jack ass! You know who sucks? You. That's who, but you did not know that cause you're dumber than Boo Radley.
My teacher used a model to illustrate this comic goldmine of hilarity. Officer Rod Farva from the movie Super Troopers totally owned the insult comedy of that movie. He knew what it meant to have fucking got you! I learned just that, how to fucking get you. I took what I learned and went to work. The first thing I did after getting out of class was to pick up a baby out of a stroller and punt that child off into the distance. Then I laughed at the surprised mother and asked, “How's that for a late term abortion?” She still looked shocked at how good my joke was, so I said, “I fucking got you!” I ran off from there to the dynamite store to make the insults I hurled really pop, and the rest can be read about in all the papers.
It is not just cause I am fucking awesome that I can be such a master of the insult comedy. It goes way back to my grandfather. He worked for the funniest of all the insult comics, Chairman Mao. My grandfather used to point his hand at political dissidents like it was a gun and shout, “Bang! Bang!” Then he'd get to his punch-line by saying, “I guess you can't do everything yourself.”
My comedy makes me so popular that people are always joking with me by calling me names, and burning me in effigy. I joke right back and say, “Hey fuckwad, I know I am hot, but I am not flaming. I mean; I don't suck cock like all you cocksuckers out there. You know who I mean, fairyboys and cum-queens! Oh man, I fucking got you again!” This usually gets the people so envious that they try to chase after me. So I have to shout the jokes back at them, “Knock, knock, who's there? You're fucking fat face. Oooh burn!”
As I run down the street ahead of a mob of jealous unfunny people, who are all trying to do that physical comedy that comes from holding pitchforks and torches, I think just how lucky I was to have attended that class on insult comedy at the learning annex. My teacher taught me such classics as, “What do you call a troll that tells jokes to make up for his small cock?” “A Jew.” My tiny-cocked teacher even explained that you can change the word 'jokes' to 'math' and the punch line to a 'Chinaman' to make a whole new insult comic gem. And with that, fuck off, you cocksuckers!